Creative writing: A short dramatic dialogue

Are You Having the Same Argument?

Do you ever get the feeling you are having the same argument? Joe and I do. Often it feels like we have the same rows time and time again without ever resolving them. A typical row might go something like this (we each provided our own sub-texts):

By now we're in full fight mode and have reached a stalemate. The more I hassle Joe to make a decision, the more stubborn he becomes – and the more stubborn he becomes, the more I hassle him. Joe and I know our parts word for word, and we know we're going nowhere. We usually end up with the traditional storming-out and door-slamming routine.

According to Deborah Tannen, sociolinguist and author of That's Not What I Meant (Virago, £6.49), these repeated arguments are the inevitable result of different arguing styles. While women tend to be over-accommodating, many men resist the slightest hint that anyone, especially a woman, is telling them what to do. This is due to what Tannen calls "cultural difference".

"Male–female conversation is always cross-cultural communication," she says. "Men and women have different past experiences. From the moment they're born they're treated and talked to differently, and they talk differently themselves as a result."

This partly explains my feeling that Joe and I are forever having the same row. We may be arguing over different things, but it's always in the same way. It's our incompatible individual styles getting us into the same circular fight on any subject that comes up.

So why do many of us end up with partners who have such a different arguing style? Because opposites do attract. Even though in the long term we'd be better off with a partner we can communicate with, initially we are drawn to someone who is our total opposite.

"So, Joe, about next weekend. Have you had any more thoughts...?"

["Are you having the same argument?" by Deborah Holder (New Woman November 1993)]